I generally don’t like reality TV shows. I decidedly disapprove of shows that prominently feature individuals screaming at, cursing, and demeaning one another. I don’t especially enjoy cooking shows.

So why in the world am I hooked on Hell’s Kitchen? I almost feel guilty for tuning in to watch Chef Ramsey berate and belittle a bunch of wannabe chefs every week. It is everything I hate about TV, and I love it.

Each season, the group of chefs seems to be more emotionally defective than the year before. The screening process for this show must really be something:
“Well, Chef Jones, I see that you’re an accomplished chef with ten years of experience. The dishes you’ve prepared for us are excellent. However, I see that you are emotionally stable with no tendency whatsoever toward violent outbursts. You’re just not what we’re looking for. Please do come back if you ever have a nervous breakdown or any sort of mental episode. Thanks.”

It’s too early in the season for me to bother learning the names of any of the contestants, but that doesn’t mean I’m not invested in their journey toward fame and fortune. So far, I’ve decided that I really hope Italian Guy stays around for a while. His tenuous grasp on the English language should prove fodder for some good episodes.

Beyond that, I can only hope that Bossy Girl and Timid Girl both stay around. Either one on their own doesn’t do much for me, but put the two together and the potential is limitless. I’m thinking that by about Week 6, Bossy Girl will try to “help” Timid Girl one time too many and Timid Girl is going to snap and go medieval on her with a cheese grater.

Just one word of advice to anyone out there hoping to make it on Hell’s Kitchen next season: you need to learn to cook risotto. Really, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that Chef Ramsey is going to have you make risotto at every dinner service. If you can’t cook it right, don’t bother to apply.

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